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<title>Happiness is Formed by my Depression by Monsieur_Grenouille</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919421">Happiness is Formed by my Depression</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsieur_Grenouille/pseuds/Monsieur_Grenouille'>Monsieur_Grenouille</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Chemical Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Gen, Rants</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:35:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsieur_Grenouille/pseuds/Monsieur_Grenouille</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In order to be proud of the way you mowed the lawn, there has to be some self esteem issue beforehand. </p><p>From Gerard's first person point of view because it's just my own rant, but I feel like it could pass as an MCR fic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Happiness is Formed by my Depression</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm fairly damaged. Currently sitting in my backyard, back leaned against the wooden fence, right in front of a sunbeam, without my glasses, writing this on my phone. Like I said, I'm fairly damaged.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What does it mean when you're proud of the way you mowed the lawn? Does it mean that you're just <em>that</em> desperate for self-love? <em>That</em> desperate to have value? How much pain does there have to be before you recognize the small things in life that make you smile the slightest bit? I was on a walk recently, and I saw a frog down by my favorite creek. I just stood there and stared at the frog, wondering if it knows how much I adore it in that one small second. It doesn't notice me at all, but I notice it. And... I'm glad that I notice it. Frogs are truly peaceful creatures. They just vibe. </p><p>I've seen the frog so many times (I even refer to him as Big Daddy when I'm alone), but each time that I see it is a new experience. I get that calm, slow, gentle feeling. The wind blows gently, the music blasts through my headphones, and I stare at the frog. It's just routine. </p><p>Except this one day-- I was walking my normal path, right near the creek, and I saw these two teens about my age with a net. They were crouched near the creek, squinting down at the mud and water. I felt a spike in my chest when I saw that one of them had a large frog in her hands. I've seen people catch frogs at the creek before. I, myself, don't do it because I believe the frogs belong in the lake and any other location is wrong, unacceptable, and unnatural. Normally, I just shout down to them, "Make sure the frogs go back in the water before you go home!" but today was during one of those depressive episodes. The ones where I go mute and lose all interest in talking? So I just stood still and watched the frog-hunters as tears caught in my eyes. </p><p>Big Daddy (the frog, as I said earlier) was my favorite creek frog, and I've grown some form of attachment to him. After all, I stare at him everyday. To see him in the hands of some teenage girl was just wrong. I realized after a bit that it would've looked (to the teenagers) like I was just a creepy teenage boy staring at girls, so I walked a bit further, hid in a tree, and watched from there. I didn't take my eyes off of the girl with the frog. I couldn't do that to myself. </p><p>Time passed, and it had to have been fifteen minutes since I had hid in the bushes. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that the girl might walk away with Big Daddy, and I'd have to carry on without him. On my walk every single day, there would be one less frog. There would be one less animal to talk to, and one less animal to tiredly obsess over in my sketchbooks. One less animal to love, one less animal to think about, one less animal to love with everything I have. I'd have to go the creek and see other frogs. </p><p>But I don't care about those frogs as much. They all look the same to me. Except for Gerry and Reginald, who are actually quite different. They're very lively and energetic frogs, unlike the others. Big Daddy is just large and the healthiest shade of green that a frog could be. </p><p>I wiped my eyes, cussing at myself under my breath for getting worked up over a frog. Was this what unconditional love was? I'd still think about Big Daddy, even if he was taken away. He's kind of a piece of me. A therapist that can't talk back. I've been talking to him once a day for two months straight, and you'd think that wouldn't mean anything. </p><p>In these times, considering my mental health and the other big world crisis, it meant more than anything ever could. </p><p>I watched that frog from the tree for forty three minutes. I was tired, I was bored, I was considering going home. But then... then I saw the girl bend down back into the grass, placing the frog gently into the water. She stood back up, brushed herself off, and left with her friend on their bikes. </p><p>All my nerves calmed, my heart stopped racing, and I could breathe clearly again. A few seconds after the girls were out of sight, I fell out of the tree and raced over to the creek. I collapsed onto my knees in front of the creek, dying to tell Big Daddy about everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. </p><p>When you really get down to it, it's the small things like that that matter. </p><p>-Xoxo G</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:'/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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